Shanghai :)

So usually during this period of time, we would be going over to the US to visit granny and grandpa (daddy's mommy and daddy), and of course, to celebrate X'mas! :)

But this year's pretty special, and we're going off to Shanghai for slightly over 4 weeks! :) So I'm seriously looking forward to that, and so this year's X'mas will be kinda different... No large family gatherings, no countless presents, no homey feeling... :(

But still, "the other set" of grandparents (mommy's daddy and mommy) are there waiting for us, and they say that it usually doesn't snow in Shanghai, but sometimes it does, so I'm seriously hoping for snow! :) I mean without  that many presents and that many family members, you've got to be kidding me if there's no snow too...

So this trip is to seriously let me experience another culture, and have a different take on how X'mas is celebrated in other parts of the world except the US, cuz I've always been celebrating X'mas there... :) So yup, we shall see what they do there in Shanghai :) Can't wait! :P

And of course, I also need to loosen up, and relax while I can, cuz when school re-opens, there will be lots and lots of hell... So I'll treasure this. :)

Anyways, I hope that I remember to take photos, cuz I always enjoy ourselves and just forget about pictures, but that is precisely what I love about myself. (hehe slightly egoistic here, please forgive me... :p) Like I always get into the moment, and don't capture the good times on photos, videos, etc, but I think that's a good thing, because memories are supposed to be remembered and treasured in our hearts, not "solidified" and turned into something physical... Hard to explain, but I love intangible things more than tangible ones, cuz to me, the most precious things should be intangible, and once they become tangible, it's not that precious anymore, like the quality is gone... I don't know, but that's only what I feel :)

If only

If only he had worked harder... 

If only he had treated it more seriously earlier... 

If only he had seen what others saw...

Then things would have been much better.

So the PSLE results were just out, and Andrew did terribly. I mean it's not as if we had expected him to do well, but this was just plain disgusting... 

I Won't Let Go

Thank you for your letter. And in it, you quoted (in exact words): 

And when I showed mommy and daddy the letter, mommy was like "OMG-ing" over the computer screen cuz she's away with her students on a school trip, for 6 weeks... :( And she was like calling daddy to show me this other letter, so daddy showed me this other letter that one of mommy's closest friends had given her nearly 2 decades ago. The pages were yellowed and old, but the words were clear, and strong. And mommy says that this is the lyrics to a very beautiful song. 

It's like a storm
That cuts a path
It breaks your will
It feels like that

You think you're lost
But you're not lost on your own
you're not alone

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do

If you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will find your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it's dark
This part of life

Oh it finds us all
And we're too small
To stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do

And if you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight

And I won't let you fall
Don't be afraid to fall
I'm right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
you're gonna make it

Well, I just wanted to say thank you for everything. Thank you so much. 

To a very special teacher (III)

Thank you.

So much.

Thank you for just being there. I remember last Friday was officially the last day we were 203'13. I remember how we all cried our eyes out, and how we shared our last words of gratitude through our teary eyes. You told us not to cry, cuz it's a day meant for celebration, not tears.

But you know, I saw you tearing up. I know you love us. All of us. And I need you to know that we love you too. And it's really painful how we will never end up in the same class ever again. All of us. And it's even more painful to know that we are connected in our hearts, cuz that just means that we will not see each other again, so much so that we can only depend on the intangible connection that we have with one another, in our hearts.

For 2 hours straight, we just sat on the floor of our beloved classroom, and listened to one another share our stories. And for that 2 hours straight, tears ran down my face. If you've been with me for long enough, you will know that I cry very easily. And this session just killed me. And though you said that we shouldn't cry, you teared up yourself. And to me, that's a conformation to know that you had enjoyed the past 2 years with us, and that makes me happy, as ridiculous as it sounds.

You said that the class will not be the same without me, and I'm so very grateful for that. And after that teary session, you told me to look for you. So I followed you, and you brought me into the counselling room in the staff room. You went to get my gift, and came in. I thought you would sit opposite me, but you took a chair, and sat right next to me. Now, no teacher has ever done that. And you can be sure that I'll remember that little gesture of yours. 

So you started talking, and telling me about yourself, your holiday plans, how I am not treating myself the way I deserve. And many more. And since most of the conversation was about me, many of the things that you say, for some reason, are freakishly accurate. And you told me to be kind to myself, to love myself, to forgive myself. 

I don't know, I don't want to end up in another pool of tears here. But it was so comfortable talking to you. And the fact that this may potentially be the very last talk we will ever have, just scares me. I guess it's because I know for a fact, that I will never find someone like you again. Not even close. 

Many people ask me why I love you so much. And I can never come up with an answer. Well maybe that's fate: you don't know why you love someone so much, and it's just who they are, that makes you feel safe, and so "at home". 

Thank you for your gifts. You've always given me gifts, big and small. Touchable and intangible. And I treasure these gifts, because I know, there will be one day, where we will have to say goodbye, and when that time comes, all I will have to hold on to, is those bits and pieces of you, all those gifts that you give me. 

You gave me presents, all of which are things that I really like. We just click together, don't you see? :)  The book that you gave me, I keep it on my bedside table, and every now and then, I pick it up, and touch your handwritten note at the back of it, and memories wil just flood my mind. You know that I have problems sleeping, and so whenever I can't sleep, which is practically almost every day, I get up, and read your book, and your note. And I'll end up crying. But that's my way of reminding myself of you, just in case I won't get to be with you again. Your box, I keep it, in the drawer of my bedside table.  And the letter in the box, I kept it there. And in the middle of the night, I would also take it out and read and re-read it again and again. Just to keep you there in my memory, fresh and new. 

You gave me more important things, like Faith, Hope, Love. You always tell me to reframe, and relax, and treat myself the way I ought to be treated. And you always tell me how much you love and treasure me. I mean which teacher says that to you? But on the other hand is me, too shy to tell you that I love and treasure you too. I just hope that you can see that from my actions. 

There's just so much you have given me, and so much that I have to thank you for. 

It must have been cold there in my shadow
To never have sunlight on your face
You were content to let me shine, that's your way
You always walked a step behind

So I was the one with all the glory
While you were the one with all the strength
A beautiful face without a name for so long
A beautiful smile to hide the pain

Did you ever know that you're my hero
And everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle
For you are the wind beneath my wings

It might have appeared to go unnoticed
But I've got it all here in my heart
I want you to know, I know the truth, 
I would be nothing without you.

Thank you. 

So much. 

I love you, and I'll miss you. 

To a very special teacher (II)

Thank you.

So much.

Thank you for everything that you have done, continue to do, and will do for all of your students. You are the Head Of Department. And in everything you do, I think you deserve that position, more than anyone else. Maybe cuz my mommy is also some kind of Head across the bridge, so I get to see just how much work there is behind this very prestigious position of yours.

Sometimes, it may seem that we don't know how much effort you put into teaching us, but really, we appreciate everything that you do, and all that you are.

I remember, when Maggie was still with us, she told me how much she disliked you. You know, it hurts real bad, cuz I love you a lot. And I think she had known that too, but it's ok. I mean like you always told me, no one can please everyone. So I just sat there next to her, just the two of us, in the classroom, right after your lesson. And I just listened to her complaining and whining and just venting. It hurts, but I understand. And perhaps you will never know that you are part of the reason why she left us, but I don't want you to know. I think you know that you're not perfect, but really, to me, you are! So after Maggie left, you came to ask me whether or not I knew the reason, and I just told you about her stress, her workload, and basically academic stuff, with a little bit of parent's high expectations. I hope you'll never know what really happened.

But you know, I really think that Maggie didn't get to see the other side of you. I know I'm biased, so whatever wrong you do, I'll always come up with a valid reason to back you up when my friends say not-so-nice stuff about you. But I do believe that everyone has a dark side, I just choose not to see yours. And I hope that Maggie will one day see your intentions in doing what you have done, and realise how much you actually love her.

Maggie, I love you a lot. And I'm so happy that you're happy. But I hope that one day, you'll look back and forgive Ms Chua, and yourself. You know, we all love you, and perhaps you hate some of the memories you had here, I still hope that somehow, you'll smile when you think about our shared moments.

Thank you for your love. From the very first time I met you, I liked you, because of your "warmness". And now, I really love you. And you know, I'll look forward to level assembly every Thursday, cuz you would sit next to me, and when the speaker gets boring, you'll have small talk with me :p

You're more than a teacher, and I think that's why mommy says that you're one-of-a-kind. :)

You're a friend, and after lessons, you made it clear to me that I can look for you whenever, just to talk. But I'll never go bother you with my worthless worries. But whenever we talk, I could share with you like a friend, and that has never happened to me before, cuz to me, teachers are in a different world from us students. But you're different. I remember Allison once told me, that I talk to you like a friend. Well thinking about it, I plead guilty to that. And that's why I love you -you treat me like a friend-

You're my school mommy, just like you call me your daughter. You know, I really love that, for all the reasons. You care for all of us, in every single way, and honestly, sometimes that makes me jealous. But that's just me... I remember how my closer and more daring friends will request you to hug me, and you actually never did, until the last day of school. But as much as you hugged me, you hugged the rest of us too... But yup, that's just the selfish side of me that we shall not explore for now.

You're my inspiration. Really, from all those long talks that we have had together, I've seen so much more about you. And all those things that you've told me, I remember all of them, and I promise, I'll never forget them. You teach more than what's on the book, and really go all out to make sure that our welfare are all taken care of. And that's rare, especially with your heavy workload. Whenever I say thank you to you, you always tell me that you've not done much. But really, you just don't know how much you've done, and how much you've influenced me, inspired me, and just how much you've taught me.

These little things, you never noticed how much I payed attention to them, or at least I thought that you didn't see how much I actually observe you. But no matter what, I love you.

So thank you for everything that you've done.

Thank you.

So much.

To a very special teacher (I)

Thank you.

So much.

Thank you for treating me like your daughter. I know you don't have children of your own, so maybe that's why you can care for us this much. Or maybe you only treat me like your daughter cuz people who know both of us say that I look like you. A lot... Whichever way it is, thank you for just being there for me.

You know, when I first came into this school, you were the first person I met. Literally. I remember, daddy and mommy brought me to school, and we got out of the car, and were greeted by this sea of white. I remember, cuz I was thinking about how intimidating this place was gonna be: Top students, top teachers, top grades, top everything, and I'm just gonna be buried under all of this.

And then we went to the general office, to ask for my class. But before we even got there, I remember this very nice lady came towards us. I remember her loving smile, her perfume, her motherly aura. Then she asked me which class I was from, and I said I didn't know. Then she helped me squeeze to the front of the whole crowd, and came back with a delighted face. Turns out I was gonna be in her form class. Then we said goodbye to mommy and daddy, and she led me to the quadrangle, where all of my future friends are.

I remember how I felt that almost weird kind of closeness to her. And so from the very start, I liked her. :)

Then as the days turn into weeks, and the weeks turn into months, I liked her even more. I remember when I got elected as class chairman for the second half of the year, she told me that I would do a fantastic job. But somehow, whenever I am at the front of the class, I felt that she was never happy. Never happy with what I said, what I did, what I didn't do. And I was scared, cuz for the previous monitor, I felt that she was always smiling when class discussions went on.

Thank you for taking time out to just talk to me, regardless whether or not I had anything to say. You are the Head Of Department, and I know that you are no stranger to being busy, but you still took time off to talk to me over a very long lunch. And you never seem to get impatient, and tell me that you have more important things to tend to. Thank you for making me feel important.

I remember, at the end of the year, you had an extra long lunch with me. And you told me what a great job I did, as a chairman, as a student, as a person. And you told me so much about yourself. Though in primary school I had a few favourite teachers, I've never felt so comfortably close to a teacher ever. We talked, or rather, you talked, and I listened. I was never a talker, and especially with teachers, I really prefer to be the listener.

My close friends should, and will know, I tend to not let go of many things. So there are tons of stuff that I just keep to myself. Even my family doesn't know. I don't know, I guess I just don't like sharing my thoughts, my feelings, my real life. But you made it so comfortable for me to just say those things, and share the burden with you. But I was, and still am, fully aware that if I tell you those things, I will be burdening you. And so I didn't say anything, but you realised, and before long, you had known many things that no other soul on this planet knows. And it's weird, cuz thinking about it, you're my teacher.

And you know what, it felt so good after talking to you and I don't even know why. Maybe it's cuz I had finally found an avenue for me to just let go and pour my feelings out. But I don't want you to know any more of these burdening things, simply cuz I think you already have enough on your mind.

I went home and told mommy about the long talk. But I didn't tell her what the content of the talk was. And she said that you are a special teacher. She said that in her so many years in the education industry, the number of teachers like you can be counted by just 1 hand. You're special, mommy said, and she told me to treasure you. <3

And I do. I really do.

So thank you for being who you are.

Thank you.

So much.

DramaFest 2013: #Ltwoohthree

The reason why I had waited so long to write this, is simply because there is just too much to write about, and so much emotion to control, I just couldn't get it all together...

So DramaFest has been perfect. Seriously. Though there were many sweat and tears, I think that we've all enjoyed it thoroughly and you know what? The judges thought we were the third, the audience thought we were good, but honestly, I thought we were the best. I mean everytime we perform, it's a different kind of performance. And this production is so delicate, but we pulled through, and moved people.

I always think that the best movies, plays, productions, are those that move people. We did that.

But of course, there was so much hard work involved. Here, I want to say a HUGE thank you to...
Kaixing and Fla for being such wonderful directors.
Kymmie and Dunnie for being such fabulous stage managers.
Peixi and Eli for being such awesome "co-stars".
Pang, Qinnie and Yuci for being so cute and pretty.
Allison, Ying and Jiaying for just being who they are.
Jingwen, Yuxuan and Shing for making us cry.
Claudine for playing actually an integral role in our production. Though you didn't have any lines, your presence was very much needed, and I believe very much felt.
Aifen, Cheye, Pang and Dunnie for giving us the perfect start with the perfect 1 min introduction.
Kymmie, Dunnie, Cheye, Ying, NicT for being the best hair and makeup artists we could ever ask for.
Lixuan and Bao for being our only backstage crew, who did a great job nonetheless.
The ensemble for just being so awesome, after so much hard work with the co-ordination.
NicT, Lena, Zhiyan and Gracie for supporting us technically through everything, and being our eyes and ears, literally, during the whole production.
Claud, RachK, Bao, Kymmie, Lixuan, Gracie for staying one more night to do our fundraising.
And of course, everyone who came down to watch us, support us, and who actually understood, or didn't understand the play.

Thank you all for everything. I'm sure that though 203'13 will never get the chance to do anything as a class ever again, but our hearts will still be together, because (quoted from our very inspirational director) "We are ONE".

#Ltwoohthree has been the best production that I could ever ask for. Though it's over, the precious memories that we made through this beautiful journey will stay with us, forever.

And now, I only remember one letter. L for Letters, L for Love. 
And so, 
Love, 
Anna :)    

In this moment.

I was supposed to sing this song on stage with some other awesome friends for level closure, but in the end, there were some technical difficulties, so I had to do this impromptu speech to thank the teachers, which was like extremely nerve-wrecking, but in the end, all still went well, and I'm pretty happy with that speech, except the sheer fact that Ms Chua stepped into the auditorium right after I finished it! I mean like what?! So this is the lyrics of the song, and it's really moving. Like our teachers are really more than just teachers, and no words can express just how thankful I am. <3

No matter where I go

Every time I look back on this road

You'll always be a part of who I am

Everything I've known

Every seed of greatness you have sown

Through good and bad

Your love has watched me grow

You teach me right from wrong

Inspire me to be strong

You care in every way

In my heart you will always

Stay

In this moment let me say

How I'm grateful

Everyday, you are here

To guide my way

When I'm lost, beside me stay

In this moment let me say

You turn my little into great

There's no fear, my dreams awake

With you

And I really want to say 

"Thank You"

Pretty

"You're pretty. Really"

Maybe this is not what you hear on an everyday basis... But you know, it's true. Really. And I want you to know that, and believe in that.

You know, after all, your singing is not bad actually... :) I think we just wanted to tease you cuz you never said anything about it, and you knew it was all just for fun, or at least we assumed that. And for that, I really apologise... Cuz though it's all for fun, you don't deserve any of that...

And your dance moves are just super awesome. Like seriously. I just love how you break out into random cheesy dance moves, like today at Sogurt, :D

So I guess I'm just writing to tell you to believe in yourself, that you are pretty, smart, and lovely. Always remember, though we are not together physically anymore, but our hearts will always be together. Simply cuz we are one.

I love you so much, so just stay awesome. <3