So much.
Thank you for just being there. I remember last Friday was officially the last day we were 203'13. I remember how we all cried our eyes out, and how we shared our last words of gratitude through our teary eyes. You told us not to cry, cuz it's a day meant for celebration, not tears.
But you know, I saw you tearing up. I know you love us. All of us. And I need you to know that we love you too. And it's really painful how we will never end up in the same class ever again. All of us. And it's even more painful to know that we are connected in our hearts, cuz that just means that we will not see each other again, so much so that we can only depend on the intangible connection that we have with one another, in our hearts.
For 2 hours straight, we just sat on the floor of our beloved classroom, and listened to one another share our stories. And for that 2 hours straight, tears ran down my face. If you've been with me for long enough, you will know that I cry very easily. And this session just killed me. And though you said that we shouldn't cry, you teared up yourself. And to me, that's a conformation to know that you had enjoyed the past 2 years with us, and that makes me happy, as ridiculous as it sounds.
You said that the class will not be the same without me, and I'm so very grateful for that. And after that teary session, you told me to look for you. So I followed you, and you brought me into the counselling room in the staff room. You went to get my gift, and came in. I thought you would sit opposite me, but you took a chair, and sat right next to me. Now, no teacher has ever done that. And you can be sure that I'll remember that little gesture of yours.
So you started talking, and telling me about yourself, your holiday plans, how I am not treating myself the way I deserve. And many more. And since most of the conversation was about me, many of the things that you say, for some reason, are freakishly accurate. And you told me to be kind to myself, to love myself, to forgive myself.
I don't know, I don't want to end up in another pool of tears here. But it was so comfortable talking to you. And the fact that this may potentially be the very last talk we will ever have, just scares me. I guess it's because I know for a fact, that I will never find someone like you again. Not even close.
Many people ask me why I love you so much. And I can never come up with an answer. Well maybe that's fate: you don't know why you love someone so much, and it's just who they are, that makes you feel safe, and so "at home".
Thank you for your gifts. You've always given me gifts, big and small. Touchable and intangible. And I treasure these gifts, because I know, there will be one day, where we will have to say goodbye, and when that time comes, all I will have to hold on to, is those bits and pieces of you, all those gifts that you give me.
You gave me presents, all of which are things that I really like. We just click together, don't you see? :) The book that you gave me, I keep it on my bedside table, and every now and then, I pick it up, and touch your handwritten note at the back of it, and memories wil just flood my mind. You know that I have problems sleeping, and so whenever I can't sleep, which is practically almost every day, I get up, and read your book, and your note. And I'll end up crying. But that's my way of reminding myself of you, just in case I won't get to be with you again. Your box, I keep it, in the drawer of my bedside table. And the letter in the box, I kept it there. And in the middle of the night, I would also take it out and read and re-read it again and again. Just to keep you there in my memory, fresh and new.
You gave me more important things, like Faith, Hope, Love. You always tell me to reframe, and relax, and treat myself the way I ought to be treated. And you always tell me how much you love and treasure me. I mean which teacher says that to you? But on the other hand is me, too shy to tell you that I love and treasure you too. I just hope that you can see that from my actions.
There's just so much you have given me, and so much that I have to thank you for.
It must have been cold there in my shadow
To never have sunlight on your face
You were content to let me shine, that's your way
You always walked a step behind
So I was the one with all the glory
While you were the one with all the strength
A beautiful face without a name for so long
A beautiful smile to hide the pain
Did you ever know that you're my hero
And everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle
For you are the wind beneath my wings
It might have appeared to go unnoticed
But I've got it all here in my heart
I want you to know, I know the truth,
I would be nothing without you.
Thank you.
So much.
I love you, and I'll miss you.
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