Thursday, 29 August 2013

Christmas Miracle

Just a little story to share :) 


A little boy and his grandmother came to see Santa at The Mayfair Mall in Wisconsin. The child climbed up on santa’s lap, holding a picture of a little girl.
“Who is this?” – asked Santa, smiling. “Your friend? Your sister?”
“Yes, Santa.” – he replied.
“My sister, Sarah, who is very sick.” – he said sadly.
Santa glanced over at the grandmother who was waiting nearby and saw her dabbing her eyes with a tissue.
“She wanted to come with me to see you, oh, so very much, Santa!” – the child exclaimed.
“She misses you.” – he added softly.

Santa tried to be cheerful and encouraged a smile to the boy’s face, asking him what he wanted Santa to bring him for Christmas.
When they finished their visit, the grandmother came over to help the child off his lap, and started to say something to Santa, but halted.
“What is it?” – Santa asked warmly.
“Well, I know it’s really too much to ask you, Santa, but ..” – the old woman began, shooing her grandson over to one of Santa’s elves to collect the little gift which Santa gave all his young visitors.
“The girl in the photograph… my granddaughter well, you see … she has leukemia and isn’t expected to make it even through the holidays.” – she said through tear-filled eyes.
“Is there anyway, Santa, any possible way that you could come see Sarah? That’s all she’s asked for, for Christmas, is to see Santa.”
Santa blinked and swallowed hard and told the woman to leave information with his elves as to where Sarah was, and he would see what he could do. Santa thought of little else the rest of that afternoon. He knew what he had to do.
“What if it were MY child lying in that hospital bed, dying?” – he thought with a sinking heart, “This is the least I can do.”
When Santa finished visiting with all the boys and girls that evening, he retrieved from his helper the name of the hospital where Sarah was staying. He asked Rick, the assistant location manager how to get to Children’s Hospital.
“Why?” – Rick asked, with a puzzled look on his face.
Santa relayed to him the conversation with Sarah’s grandmother earlier that day.
“Common….I’ll take you there.” – Rick said softly. Rick drove them to the hospital and came inside with Santa. They found out which room Sarah was in. A pale Rick said he would wait out in the hall.
Santa quietly peeked into the room through the half-closed door and saw little Sarah on the bed.
The room was full of what appeared to be her family; there was the grandmother and the girl’s brother he had met earlier that day. A woman whom he guessed was Sarah’s mother stood by the bed, gently pushing Sarah’s thin hair off her forehead.
And another woman who he discovered later was Sarah’s aunt, sat in a chair near the bed with a weary, sad look on her face. They were talking quietly, and Santa could sense the warmth and closeness of the family, and their love and concern for Sarah.
Taking a deep breath, and forcing a smile on his face, Santa entered the room, bellowing a hearty, “Ho, ho, ho!”
“Santa!” – shrieked little Sarah weakly, as she tried to escape her bed to run to him.
Santa rushed to her side and gave her a warm hug. A child the tender age of his own son — 9 years old — gazed up at him with wonder and excitement.
Her skin was pale and her short tresses bore telltale bald patches from the effects of chemotherapy. But all he saw when he looked at her was a pair of huge, blue eyes. His heart melted, and he had to force himself to choke back tears.
Though his eyes were riveted upon Sarah’s face, he could hear the gasps and quiet sobbing of the women in the room.
As he and Sarah began talking, the family crept quietly to the bedside one by one, squeezing Santa’s shoulder or his hand gratefully, whispering “Thank you” as they gazed sincerely at him with shining eyes.
Santa and Sarah talked and talked, and she told him excitedly all the toys she wanted for Christmas, assuring him she’d been a very good girl that year.

As their time together dwindled, Santa felt led in his spirit to pray for Sarah, and asked for permission from the girl’s mother. She nodded in agreement and the entire family circled around Sarah’s bed, holding hands.
Santa looked intensely at Sarah and asked her if she believed in angels, “Oh, yes, Santa… I do!” – she exclaimed.
“Well, I’m going to ask that angels watch over you.” – he said.
Laying one hand on the child’s head, Santa closed his eyes and prayed. He asked that God touch little Sarah, and heal her body from this disease.
He asked that angels minister to her, watch and keep her. And when he finished praying, still with eyes closed, he started singing, softly, “Silent Night, Holy Night…. all is calm, all is bright…”

The family joined in, still holding hands, smiling at Sarah, and crying tears of hope, tears of joy for this moment, as Sarah beamed at them all.
When the song ended, Santa sat on the side of the bed again and held Sarah’s frail, small hands in his own.
“Now, Sarah,” – he said authoritatively, “you have a job to do, and that is to concentrate on getting well. I want you to have fun playing with your friends this summer, and I expect to see you at my house at Mayfair Mall this time next year!”
He knew it was risky proclaiming that to this little girl who had terminal cancer, but he ‘had’ to. He had to give her the greatest gift he could — not dolls or games or toys — but the gift of HOPE.
“Yes, Santa!” – Sarah exclaimed, her eyes bright. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead and left the room.
Out in the hall, the minute Santa’s eyes met Rick’s, a look passed between them and they wept unashamed.
Sarah’s mother and grandmother slipped out of the room quickly and rushed to Santa’s side to thank him.
“My only child is the same age as Sarah.” – he explained quietly. “This is the least I could do.”
They nodded with understanding and hugged him.
One year later, Santa Mark was again back on the set in Milwaukee for his six-week, seasonal job which he so loves to do. Several weeks went by and then one day a child came up to sit on his lap.
“Hi, Santa! Remember me?!”
“Of course, I do.” – Santa proclaimed (as he always does), smiling down at her. After all, the secret to being a ‘good’ Santa is to always make each child feel as if they are the ‘only’ child in the world at that moment.
“You came to see me in the hospital last year!”
Santa’s jaw dropped.
... 

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

To be or not to be...

Actually the real question is: To think or not to think? To be scared or not to be? To dwell or not to dwell?

Well at last the dreaded number 8 is over. And although my fingers did not have the smoothest ride on the black and white track, I still want to write this.

So the examiner is this really nice grandfather, and I guess whatever happened during that half an hour or so was just my fault. He tried to help me. He really did.

What happened, was that the person before me did not turn up, and so the examiner got the attendant to call me in like 20 min before my actual exam... Well given my "what if... what if... what if..." kind of thinking, I was literally thrown into a state of total panic. So I stepped into the room, and maybe he saw the fear in my eyes, but he explained the whole situation to me, and assured me to not be afraid and take my time. That was really nice, but it didn't really help much though... But still, I'm really grateful for that.

So I started with scales and all went well until he gave me C minor 6th apart, and all of a sudden everything was a mess and a could see all the notes flying past me eyes. Well I didn't stop and start over, and I don't know why... I just kept going with all the wrong notes, though I knew I had screwed that one up. Then he paused and said "calm down" Well now I was getting a little frustrated. Not with him, with myself. I was doing so well and then bam! And worse still, he had to rub it into me and imply that I was too nervous. Well I know this is really bad cuz I think he did it with good intentions.

Then I went on to the pieces and gosh even though I've been practising them for what? Almost a year? They seemed to be the longest 9 pages I've ever went through. And along the way, there were a generous number of wrong notes and weird rhythms, and I got even more scared that I'll ruin the whole thing and more mistakes came along. But I'm just happy that amidst all the nonsense, I never stopped. I kept going, but blindly... So that went on for 2 whole pieces, and then before I played the last one, I think he saw me covering my face in desperation, and he told me again, "take your time..." Well I was just so scared all the effort I put into getting here will just go up in flames. And worse still, I was hinted once again, that I didn't do well... But thank God the last piece was good. Or so I feel...

And then we moved on to sight reading, and it went well... I mean I thought that the piece he gave me was rather simple... So thank God. Really. And then the most dreaded aural came along and I don't know why, but all of a sudden, I could hear the left hand part of the extract! :D So that was really good news. And then the naming of cadence and chords was just plain horrible. If he even awards me ANY marks, I would think that he is seriously far too generous. Cuz even I thought I didn't deserve anything for that. I mean I was just saying anything under the sun... Then modulation and music description was as bad, and he even had to prompt me of what to say. WOW.

So as you can see, it's not the best way things could have turned out. And when I told you to wait for this post, you said that you'll take it as I did well. You know, I didn't do well. I just decided to get over it and move on... :)

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

The piano and it's music

I'm taking my piano exam tomorrow... It's the dreaded number 8... But well I think I'm prepared, or so I feel... I mean if you think about it, worst case scenario is that I fail this thing. Well all I've got to do then, is to take it again next year and hope to do better! :) But there's just this feeling. This voice that says "no, you can't fail. Cuz if you do, so many people will be disappointed. Your teacher, your parents, your everyone, and yourself..."

Well for those who know me, y'all know I'm a perfectionist. Some times too much of one, but you know, I hate the feeling when you know you could have done so much better and yet did not manage to save that last string of hope. 

I don't know, but my teacher always said 
Well I think it's true, let our lives be played the way it's meant to be. Let those black keys add melody to those white keys, and let those white ones add hope to the black ones. But in my life, I have an imbalance of colours in my piano. There are so little white keys, hardly any black ones, but so many grey ones. And the music that I play on my piano, it sounds... so dissonant. All the notes crash against each other, and turn out to be some alien-like, futuristic rubbish. But that's my life, musically. Actually I think everyone else's lives are pretty much the same, with every turn of events being grey. And there are different shades of grey.-_-

So basically life is complicated. In this whole labyrinth of smiles and tears, could we all be pieces in someone's game? 
 People say, 
Well, I think life is like that too. So maybe for tomorrow's exam, I'll let everything go. I'll forget all the troubles and just let my life depend on those feelings that are gonna run on the keyboard. The only keyboard with no grey keys...

Sunday, 25 August 2013

Stay awesome. :)

I'm writing this post cuz I told two of you that I'll write it. :)

So thinking back, it's really been a roller coaster ride with y'all awesome people. Remember when we first got together a year and a half ago, when we were all awkward ducklings with coach, with the teachers in charge, with one another. Look at us now, we laugh together, cry together (not exactly... I think only I cried before... -_-), get stressed out together, complain together, and practically pull through "hell" together...

You know, our sport is really special. We don't have to run (although we still do sometimes...), we don't have tactics like how to invade the opposing team and snatch the ball... nor do we have to be in the blistering heat, literally fighting for a spot to represent our school.

We're special. (YAY!!!) And although not many people are familiar with what we do, some don't even know where our CCA sessions are held... But I'm just so proud to to be part of this journey with you guys! :D

As of now, I don't really know what to write except how awesome y'all are and how grateful I am to be sitting here thinking about the wonderful times we had together and still continue to have! :)

So stay awesome ok? And some day, I'll write something deeper and better and maybe slightly sadder... But till then, be forever young, funny, awesome, cuz I love y'all just the way y'all are! :p



Saturday, 24 August 2013

Cross Country 2013 :)

Today was our school's annual cross country event. And overall, I think it was a success. :) Well we got to be dismissed early, at 12.30 pm, and then Dunnie and I went over to Sogurt for "lunch". We actually thought that many people will be flocking there, but it turned out that we were practically the only ones there for about 15 mins. So it was really cool, cuz we "had the whole place to ourselves"... :D

Then we went to Macritchie reservoir earlier to "book" a locker to put our stuff in. Then we went to help the teachers to set up the route, which was slightly tedious... And it looked like a crime scene in the end... Sad that I don't have a photograph of it here... 

So basically I was the helper, cuz no one wanted to volunteer themself, maybe it's because there's only one helper per class, and we are all afraid of being alone... Well but you know what? Because I was alone, I made a new friend! :p 

Ok then we gathered under the hot sun, and Mr Mac kept emphasising for us (31 people) to form a line in single file when we don't even have enough space for 5 people to stand in a row -_- But oh well,  we waited, and waited, and waited some more, and I really sympathised for my dear friends, cuz all of their energy would have been drained by the blistering heat before they even started the race... And we sent out 6 of our best runners to be competitive, and yup, they all did awesomely well, and Shing even made the 10th ranking! :D And she earned an extremely well-deserved, rather glamorous trophy! :D

And then when I saw more "yellow tops" coming through the finishing line, Dunnie and I went there, and looked out for our very own awesome people, and I'm incredibly proud to say that, all of us came through the finishing line running. All of us! (except me of course cuz I didn't even run...) 

But I was still more proud of you. :) Look at how well you did. Be proud of yourself ok? And suck it all in. You deserve it! :p You know what, maybe you should do this more often. Run hard, and drive all the pain away. 

You've got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause you're a champion and we’re gonna hear you ROAR
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause you're a champion and we’re gonna hear you ROAR

Thursday, 22 August 2013

Disability (This ability)

For today's assembly, a Paralympian came to talk to us. His name is Mr Jovin Tan, and the talk, it was really quite something. He had a Disability, but This Ability made him accomplish so much, so greatly.

He was on a wheel chair, and he gave a great talk, with so much personality and humour. Well he came from not the most idealistic background, and because of that, he came an even longer way than others with the same situation as him, not to even mention how much more he has achieved as compared to the able-bodied like us. 

Well I know God created all of us equal, and special. We may not have something that others have, but God will make sure that we'll have something else that others don't have, to balance everything out. 

Sometimes, I wonder whether or not we were programmed to go through what we go through. Did God make all these plans when he created each one of us? Did he deliberately plan for every one of us to go through different things? Like when Lizzie died, or when I had chicken pox, and hand-foot-mouth disease, did He make that happen for a reason? I would like to think so... I would like to think that God made everything happen for a reason, but to be honest, sometimes I can't seem to find that reason. 

Mr Jovin Tan found that reason, and made full use of it. He took up sailing, and excelled in it. His personality shines through his talk, and I felt he was so admirable. Sitting in that wheel chair on the stage, looking at a few hundred students, with his mom sitting there, listening to his talk for the first time...

He seemed so small, and yet so big. 

Maybe some day, I'll find the reasons why I am here in the first place. Did God plan for me to do something better than drag myself through everyday? I think He did. And it's really comforting to know that God has planned out something great for you, cuz I do believe that He made every one of us because He Knew that we are meant for something really awesome. I would like to think that God has paved the road for me already, with all the obstacles and the adventures. All I need to do now, is find that road. It's somewhere out there in this land where Dreams Come True, and the Best part is, that land is Here, in This World. I've just gotta find it. 

Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Be Brave

Hey, I talked to you a few days ago, and you said you hated going to school... I asked you why and you said you were bullied...

I remember when you first went, and after your first day at school, you told me how you loved it there. You said everything was just so incredible, so different. You loved it. You really did. And honestly, I was kinda jealous. But you didn't love life there for long...

It's only been what, 4 months? And now, you hate school. You don't even want to step out of your house. I want to ask what happened. what changed your views so drastically, but I know you don't want to be reminded of the pain. So perhaps all I can do is to make you feel a tiny bit better.

Well, I can't really help you, cuz I'm not there with you. And I've never been there before. And maybe what you're gonna read next doesn't help you at all, but maybe it'll give you something to look to when you need it.

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
And they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

Innocence, your history of silence
Won’t do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

And I know how much you love Taylor Swift, so here's a little something just for you! :)




Monday, 19 August 2013

Born a Fighter.

So I've written many posts for you, and here's another one! :)

This is one of my mommy's favourite songs, and maybe it's hereditary, but I seem to like it a lot too... :D

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
And you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away, hey yea
Hold on there will be tomorrow in time
You find the way, 

Then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you

Remember what you told me today? You said you'll run "for your life" for the cross-country this Friday. And you know what? I'll support you all the way.

So go, go and find that hero in you. You know what I'm talking about. And run with the wind ok? Cuz you're strong, and you were born a fighter. :)

Lots and lots of love, and admiration.

Forgotten...

Hello, so I'm back! There was just so much work that I couldn't find the time to write something meaningful... So now that I'm back, I shall start pouring my jar of emotions, and let those feelings seep out of my worn out body. Bit by bit. Until I feel better, but really, that'll take a long time.

So this post may sound a bit like one that I'll write after I break up with someone, but no, it's not. :p 

You know how sometimes, you like someone a lot. Like really a lot. It's not necessary a boy-girl thing, but I'm sure we all have certain people whom we really like. Teachers, friends, our idols... And sometimes, you don't find any apparent reason as to why you like them so much... I mean is this what they call fate? Or is it just a one-way feeling? 

I don't know, but I really like someone, and I think I tend to be over sensitive. Maybe it's because I really like that person, and therefore want that person to like me more too. But yeah, I know it's not possible. Me liking that person does not necessary mean that she likes me more too... 

But I do feel that sometimes, when you are someone's favourite, and you don't know, you don't pay as much attention to that person as that person would have liked. But you know, these are all fantasies. Fantasies that you will happen to be your favourite person's favourite. 

So sometimes things happen, and to you, it's so minor that you'll probably forget within a minute, but what you don't know, is that I see it. And it's certainly not the best feeling in the world. It's ok that you don't realise, I mean who am I to demand for your attention and everything? But it just doesn't feel good. To know that your favourite likes someone else better than you. To be honest, I'm jealous, but I don't ever show it. Well at least I hope I don't. But still, I saw it. I saw everything. You just don't know. 

You say I have the sweetest smile. Well, I want to tell you that sometimes, it's just a facade.

You say I have the most optimistic mindset. Well, I want to tell you to ask my friends about this. Trust me, they'll tell you a whole different thing. 

You say I have the warmest aura. Well, I just want to say, Maybe you don't know me well enough. 

Thursday, 15 August 2013

The decision.

So today, mommy and daddy told me, that if I do make it to the Humanities Talent Programme, they'll support me through it all. I can't believe it. I feel so lucky. Really so lucky.

I mean they just told me this on their own accord. They support me. And that's all I need to know. They even planned out for me the courses that I will have to take to get me to where I want to be. You know, I'm just so grateful.

So thank you both for supporting me, and taking this risk with me. Thank you so much for putting what I love before what is more practical. Thank you for giving me this chance to find out who I really am, what what I am capable of achieving.

I love you both so much. And thank you. Really.

You know, when I tell my friends stories about you both, they say they thought such parents only existed in storybooks. Remember the Letters to God? Claud said she would do the same to her own children next time. You know, I feel so lucky, and so proud to have you awesome people to be my parents.

Thank you so much. And that's really about all I can say...

My Silver Lining

Hey dear,

I don't know what happened, but I was so sad when I saw you in that state. Is it the stress? Or is it the fatigue? Or what is it?

You know, I've never thought I would ever see you in such a state of distress, but I know that we all have our own obstacles. I don't know what to say, cuz I don't know what happened.

But I just want you to know that whatever happens, if you feel happy or sad, good or bad, we're always here for you ok? I saw how Ying made you laugh asking you those questions for counselling... You see, you've got amazing friends around...

And so if you feel like breaking down, just do it, and don't keep all this negative energy in you ok? There's just so much someone's body and mind can hold, so let it out if you need to. :)

加油ok? And you'll forever be the only cloud with my silver lining. :)

Lots of love <3, and a tiny bit of confusion...

Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Somewhere over the rainbow...

When I was a lot younger, Granny used to sing this song to me all the time. And all the way until I was 10 years old, this was my favourite song. Even now, it's still one of my favourites...

I remember how I used to listen to Granny's soft and soothing voice and dream about what I hope to see in the land over my rainbow. I remember I wanted lots of sweets, and stories, and family and friends. Back then, everything seemed so possible. All the fantasies of meeting angels felt so real that sometimes, I would close my eyes and reach out my hands and I would genuinely feel and think that I was touching an angel. Their wings, their halo, their heart.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

But of course, reality is harsh. Now, I am absolutely aware that those sweet dreams that I've had before, they're never gonna happen. At least not in this life. And now, all I dream of is school, work and stress.

I wonder what I'll dream of when I become older. Will I even have dreams? Perhaps when I get older, my dreams will no longer be dreams. Maybe nightmares is a better word.

Courage

In the beginning of this year, we read the book "To Kill A Mockingbird", and it was such a deep book. Courage was one of its main themes. And then we had to write a newspaper article about anything from the book, and I chose to write a tribute to Mrs Dubose.

You know, she's so brave. Under those layers of harsh remarks crude insults lay such a strong and beautiful soul. But only Atticus saw that side of her. Why? Cuz he cared to unscrew the bottle that she kept her feelings in, waiting for someone who cares enough to unscrew it. 

You're just like her. The opposite of her. Under your cheerful smiles and lame jokes lay such a vulnerable and fragile soul, hanging in there by a thin thread. You're gonna fall soon, I know that. Actually if I were you I would have fallen so long ago already. You know, you're really strong. Really. 

I don't know how you went through all of this chaos with that in your mind. I can't even imagine. The fear, the anxiety, the stress. But you did it. I don't know how you feel now. I don't think I'll ever understand until I experience it for myself. But honestly, I don't want something like that to happen to me ever. 

People say, tough times bring out someone's true colours. Yeah, I saw your true colours, and you know what, they were so beautiful. 
I don't know what to tell you, cuz I know nothing that is said or done to you can solve the problem. But I really care for you and I want you to know that. 

Well I may not be any professional, but if you need a shoulder to cry on, a person to vent to, an ear to be listened to, a hug to be given to, or even someone to argue with, never forget, I'm right here. Waiting for you. Always. 

So stay strong my friend, and 

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Ouch

Ouch, my head hurts. And I still can't believe what just happened.

I got into a car accident.

It's not serious, no deaths, no injuries (except me), and no arguments. But I was so scared I cried, and maybe I looked really bad cuz mommy and daddy told me to go home and rest.

It happened so fast. I was eating my breakfast in the car, it was raining. We were on the way to school. All of a sudden the car in front of us stopped. Just like that. It just stopped in the middle of the road. Daddy didn't have enough time to react. Although we were driving rather slowly, we still didn't stop in time and crashed into their boot. Then someone else from behind crashed into us. I think the driver at the back was driving quite fast, cuz I was in the back seat and I could feel their car pushing us forward. So I hit my head. I don't know where I hit it, but it hurt.

Daddy shouted, "Oh my gosh what happened".

Mommy gasped.

Thank God Andrew wasn't in the car. We dropped him off at his school already.

I kept quiet.

Mommy and daddy got out. So did the other two drivers. They exchanged apologies and phone numbers. Mommy asked me to come out. It was raining. Heavier and heavier. I don't know if it was rainwater, or my tears, but something was rolling down my cheeks.

I looked around. We were in front of a bus stop, and people were staring. Staring. We stopped the traffic behind us. Drivers were getting impatient. They switched lanes and moved on. I don't know why, I felt so scared.

Mommy had a meeting early in the morning, so she flagged a taxi in the middle of the road and went. Daddy asked me to get in the car and wait. Then we drove home. I don't know why, our car was the most badly damaged. The front headlight broke, and the front cover was "flipped up" a little. And the boot was OMG. There was a terrible dent and the car plate was hanging there like a crooked gate.

On the way home, it was so difficult to SMS my teachers and friends and all that I got into a car accident. But I did it anyways. Then daddy asked me if there were any injuries. I said my head hurt.

So we went to a nearby clinic and saw a doctor and then daddy sent me home and went off to get the car repaired and yeah I just sat at my table.

My head hurts. And whatever medicine that is, it's not working.

Maybe it's not the medicine's problem. I think it's mine. My head hurt not entirely because of the accident, because of the many things that keep me up at night. And all the accident did was trigger all the pain in my mind. And no medicine in this world can cure that, but God can, and God is in another world.

Monday, 12 August 2013

Friends

You know, sometimes, I feel that my friends are even closer to me than my family is. Weird right... Sometimes, I feel that I'm more comfortable talking to my friends than to my family. Maybe it's because my friends don't know the details about my life, my character, me. All they know, when I talk to them, is that I need a listening ear, and a willing heart, and they're willing to lend me their ears, their shoulders, their heart. That's why I love talking to my friends. I just love it so much.

Well, I've had many "heart-to-heart" talks with many of my friends, but you know, I think you're still the record holder, at least in secondary school you are. :D And you know who you are... :P

So thank you for being the one listening to all my rants about this and that, some of which are totally childish, meaningless and a waste of energy to dwell on. But you listened. And never failed to make me laugh.

Thank you for being the one helping me behind all this chaos. All those art stuff, that you weren't suppose to waste time doing, you did, without any complaints, or is it just that I can't see them? :p (I think I've just given it away talking about art, but whatever... There's nothing to hide!)

Thank you for being willing to take longer routes to the canteen and back up to the classroom with me, you know which staircase I love best! :)

And of course, most importantly, thank you so much for always being so humourous, and spreading the joy, not love, :D (insider joke...) into my life! You know, I just love hanging out with you, and yes, we'll go for that long overdue sogurt (ha I spelled it right this time! :D) date ASAP. Really.

Me heart you so very much! And stay forever young, happy, and funny! :)

Lots and lots and lots (hehe/haha/ho ho/hurhur :p golden rule of 3) of LOVE <3

Saturday, 10 August 2013

Gone with the wind.

I'm not a runner. I never was, and never will be. And I hate being alone. I just hate it.

But today, I ran. Because you said something about me. And I was hurt. So I cried. I don't know, this is not the first time someone said something like that to me, and all the other times, I was just fine, you know, I even tend to joke about it myself too. I don't know what happened today, but everything seemed to come crashing down when you said that.

I know it's not your fault. I know it wasn't intentional. I know it's unfair to hate you and say bad things about you. After all, what you said is a fact.

But I was hurt.

And so I told mommy and daddy I was going to take a walk. I won't be back soon, I need to go out. And mommy and daddy respect that. I know this place well. I know I won't get lost. Mommy and daddy know that too. So they let me go. I mean, they heard what you said, and they saw my reaction. But you see, I don't cry in front of you, or mommy, or daddy. If I have something I wanna let out, I'll cry at night, when no one is there to ask me what happened, and no one is there to "comfort" me. You know, sometimes, we just need to be by ourselves. And let everything out. Alone.

So I walked. It's dark. But it's quiet. And I like it that way. I didn't bring anything along with me. It's just me, myself and I, in this peaceful place. I like it. I really do.

Then I thought about what you said, and the many other times that other people said the same thing. And I was sad, angry, frustrated, all at once. And so I walked, faster and faster, until I started jogging, then running, and I didn't want to stop. I wanted to keep going, even though I know I won't last long.

But no, somehow, I kept going. I felt the wind in my hair, and saw the dark silhouettes of the trees fly past me. And I felt on top of the world. I don't want this to end. No, not yet. Then I came to the pond. The pond where we occasionally threw bread in to feed the fishes.

And I stopped.

I was panting, and my feet hurt. But I felt good. Maybe if this was my 2.4 run, I would have passed, without so much pain. But that doesn't matter now. So I sat down on the steps of the pond. It's so quiet. And so peaceful. Like the whole world was mine.

And I realised, all the sadness, the anger, the frustration, they were gone, gone with the wind. I sat there, listening to the wind, being in the wind, feeling the wind. It took all the negatives in me, and blew it to a faraway land where mean and unhappy things are left alone, so that they will not come back to Earth to hurt someone else again.

You know, maybe God sent little angels in the wind, to come to us, and take all the unhappiness away from us. Cuz God cares for us, and He knows that every one of us is Beautiful and Special, and so He won't let others of our kind to hurt us, and make us feel like a loser.

You know what, one day, I'll run with the wind again. And when my time's done here, I'll be gone with the wind.

Friday, 9 August 2013

Things are to be Used, but People are to be Loved.

So here's a little story my mommy showed me the other day... It's really kinda sad...

A man was polishing his car.
His 4 year old son scratched lines on it with a stone.
In anger the man hit the child's hand with a hammer...
And the child lost all his fingers..
The little kid asked "Dad, when will my fingers grow back?"
And the man was hurt and speechless.
He went back to the car and kicked it, and saw what the child wrote...
   

The Talk.

Time for Subject Combination decision-making session. So mommy and daddy asked me which programme I would like to be in, and I told them I really wanna get into the Humanities Programme. Then, as expected, they said, "But you want to be a doctor next time!" Isn't the triple science class a better choice? 

I know it doesn't make sense, an aspiring doctor taking a Humanities course. And I'm aware of my impracticality, but you know what? People always say, 
I know I only live once. And I wanna do it right. Well that doesn't mean that I've gotta take all the right routes and make all the right choices. At the end of my life, I wanna look back and proudly say that I lived my life, had a few regrets, laughed and cried, but much more than this, I DID IT MY WAY. 

Right now, so what if I wanna take on the Humanities programme and still be a doctor in the future? I know this is too much of idealism, being able to juggle all the work, but you see, what if this is the way I want it to be? I mean you never know if you never try. 
Mommy and daddy always told me to be who I am, but now, you are contradicting yourselves. Y'all are good people, I know, and I know too, that you want the best for me, but I want to tell you, 

Mommy, Daddy, 
the best thing that you can do for me, 
is to let me do what I want,
even if it's not the best way to get to where I want to be. 
Cuz only then, 
will I look back and 
thank you for what you did. 

Maybe you guys don't want me to fall, maybe you guys want me to get to the top ASAP, or maybe you guys just don't want me to be worn out. But see, you guys changed routes too. Mommy, you were once working in the TV industry in Hong Kong, being in the spotlight of every night's news. Daddy, you said when you were in university, you wanted to be a computer scientist. But look at y'all now, not doing what you intended to do, but still doing ever so well, being head of department in a top secondary school and president in a specialised school in university... 

You see, all roads lead to Rome. It doesn't mean that if I take on what I like now, I won't be able to do what I want to do in the future... I don't know how, but I know that someday, I'll get there. And I'm not saying that I wanna fail and give up, nor am I saying that I want to waste my time and energy before getting what I really want, but what I'm trying to tell y'all is that I wanna experience this whole thing by myself, not by listening to how you both fought through university and debated with Granny and Grandpa about your future careers... 

So in the end, we left this matter unresolved. But you guys were nice people, like I always knew you two as. And y'all told me to find out more about the curriculum of both programmes, and then we'll talk again. So thank you for giving me space and freedom. I think other parents may not have done the same. 

But please, although you will never read this, and I don't want you to ever read it, please, let me find myself by myself, and let me create who I am with my own hands... 

Perfect Stars

I just came across this story, and thought it was rather meaningful, especially since nowadays, I don't know why, but so many people are being bullied. Why? Why do people do it then? When they know it hurts? Maybe someone was cold to them before, and so they think that this is what they're supposed to do...

But I know, for each of us, there's someone else out there who thinks of us as a perfect star.


So to those who cry themselves to sleep every night because of something someone said to you, stay strong. 




And to those who feel good about making others feel worthless, 





Perfect Stars


                Once upon a time, I met a man. He was old and tall. He was wearing a bright green suit and a green top hat. The hat had a shiny, gold star pinned to it.
                His entire outfit was bright, though everything about him was dark; his hair, his skin, and his eyes. It made me smile inside.
                He smiled and kneeled so he was eye-level with me. I saw concern in his eyes as he asked why I seemed so sad.
                I was a young girl of five and didn't know not to talk to strangers so I answered, "A boy from school said I was ugly."
                He looked shocked and replied, "No!"
                I nodded sadly and looked down, "The other kids said I was ugly so it must be true."
                He lifted my head and looked into my eyes with the most sincere expression I had ever seen and said to me in a soft, comforting voice," You know that's not true. You are a beautiful person; ugly doesn't exist in this world."
                I smiled a little before returning to sorrow, "But everyone at school says that I am."
                He shook his head slightly and looked down as if he was thinking. After a short moment, he reached up and took the star off of his hat. He smiled at me and put it in my hands.
                "No matter who says you're ugly or dumb or mean, I will always think of you as perfect," he whispered, holding my small hands in his big ones.
                He left right after, leaving me with the star, waiting for my mom to say it was time to go. I stared at the star the whole time and smiled.
                Through the years, the star made me smile. When I lost the spelling bee, when I broke up with my first boyfriend, and when I had a fight with my best friend for the first time I would look at the star and heard him saying, "I will always think of you as perfect."
                I grew up, got married, and had a little girl of my own. Life kept moving, but I never forgot about him or that little star; he was always with me.
                One day, my daughter came home from school, crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said that a girl at school called her stupid. I immediately thought of the star.
                She sat at the kitchen table and ate cookies and I got the star. I sat with her and told her the story of the man and showed her the star. I handed it to her and finished with, "No matter who says you're ugly or stupid or mean, I will always think of you as perfect.

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Fund Fair 2013 :)

Geez, I just woke up... from an extra long nap...

Today, I would say it was generally quite well done, and all the more better when you came to our booth! :) It was really tiring though, but in the end, all the work paid off!
This is a picture taken from Claud's blog... :) I mean, Fla did this by herself. JUST LOOK AT IT.

So we were really in a rush this morning, to do the last minute preparations, and boy was that intense... But in the end,  everything went well! :D

Well, I felt really bad cuz Fla had to bring home a box of her cupcakes... I mean, she stayed up late and sacrificed so much to make those and in the end, we didn't even open the last box... But oh well...

And today, you gave me a cookie and a flower! Although they may not be made by you, but still, it was so sweet! I mean, how could I bear to eat the cookie? And you even said that it was only for your "daughter"... :)

So in the end, our class raised $232, which is not too bad, but the cooler thing is that, our whole school raise $25 000!!! I mean, our goal was $20 000, and last year was our record year, if I'm not wrong, but we created a whole new record again! YAY!!!

So here's the time to thank people again!

Thank you to Fla and Shing, and all those people who were baking, i.e. Lixuan, Zeewei, Qinnie, RachelK, Zhiyan, Lena, Aifen, Eli, Ying and Yuci... If I miss out anyone, or add anyone in, please pardon me. You know I love you! :)

Thank you to those who went to get the awesome toppings, Kaixing, Jingwen and Gracie. :) Hope I didn't get this wrong...

Thank you to the team of elite artists who spent time and effort decorating our booth. Dunnie, Bao, Yuhan, both Nicoles, Kymmie, Jiaying and Gue.

Thank you to those brave souls who volunteered to go around to further publicise us. Pang, Ying, Claud, Yuxuan, Bobo, Yuci, Allison, and the rest of us who pressurised our juniors, seniors, peers, and even teachers alike to buy something from us.

Thank you to our wonderful cashiers, Cheye and Kymmie.

And of course thank you to the core team in planning this activity, Peixi, Claud, Shing, Kaixing :)

Thank you awesome people! Love y'all lots! <3

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

We can do it! :)

Fund fair is happening tomorrow. Like honestly, TOMORROW.

Gosh, looking back, we only had like 3 days of planning, and everything else was RUSH RUSH RUSH... But that doesn't really matter, or so I think... I mean, look at us, we do practically everything in a rush. And sometimes, in all this "hurry up"s and "faster, faster, faster"s, we forget why we were there in the first place. But well, they always say,
So we shall pray hard tonight, and give our best tomorrow. After all, as long as we have lots of fun,and raise money for the charities, all the rushing and the OMG-ing will be worth it! So yup, like we've always pulled through, let's do what we do best tomorrow, and fight against all odds!

加油guys! I know we can do it!

Birthdays!

Today we celebrated Dunnie and Gracie's birthday. So to prepare for this BIG DAY, some of us actually planned a surprise for them. Cola suggested we give Dunnie a book, from one of her favourite authors. Apparently, John Green. And we got both of them an Oreo cheesecake, which Ying bought. :)

Look at the cake! And the beautiful smiles! <3

And look at Dunnie! Smiling ever so happily! 


Monday, 5 August 2013

My fragile bubble, and the things in it.

I'm just sitting here, at my table, staring into the night. I just read Fla's poems, and they were so deep, so artistic, so beautiful. I don't know, but I feel really tired. Physically and mentally. The poems were so beautiful, yet so troubling, talking about issues like forgotten corners and death.

And so I took a break, never thinking that I would write this post... But thinking back, on the 1.5 or so years that we have been together as a class. Then it just dawned on me that this fund fair, it may be one of the last projects that we ever get to do as a class. You see, we only have Teachers' Day, Founders' Day, and Drama Fest left.

Thinking about it, it's gonna end in a flash. Funny though, it's always times like this, when I'm thinking about things like this, that I get scared.

I don't know why I'm scared, but I know for certain WHAT I'm scared of.

I'm scared of losing you awesome people. The people who laughed with me, made me laugh, cried with me, made me cry. The people who I made laugh, who I made cry. The people who basically made the skeleton, the flesh, the clothing, the accessories, the everything of my life for this almost 2 years. 

I'm scared of losing the precious memories that we had together. The times when we sang crazy songs in class, the times when we broke out into laughter randomly, the times when we worked together to prank out teachers, the times when we... Looking back, I can't pick one moment when I want to remember forever, simply because I want to remember EVERYTHING forever. 

I'm scared of losing myself. Losing who I am, after we separate into our different ways to accomplish more of our greatest dreams, and to challenge more of our limits. You know, I've changed so much since getting to know you people, and I realise, it's not me that changed, it's the change in the people around me that changed me. 

You know, people always say, it takes a lifetime to forget someone... But you know what, a lifetime is a pretty long time, but it's still not enough time for me to forget any one of you. Because for you, any one of you, even eternity is a split second as compared to how much more time I want to spend with y'all. It's just too difficult. Painstakingly difficult. To even grasp the idea that I'll be separating from these awesome people who gave me so much to remember.

I don't want to think about this anymore. I know it's self-deceiving, but I just want it to stay this way. I know sometime soon, the time will come. For us to say our goodbyes and take our photos. For us to go after our bigger dreams and greater aspirations. For us to find our brighter future and even happier days. But till then, I don't want to think about this. Till then, perhaps I will have enough courage to tell y'all even more. So much more. About how I love you. How I admire you. How I treasure you. Every one of you. Cuz as of now, I want to just live in my fragile bubble. And never come out till it's time.