Wednesday, 28 August 2013

To be or not to be...

Actually the real question is: To think or not to think? To be scared or not to be? To dwell or not to dwell?

Well at last the dreaded number 8 is over. And although my fingers did not have the smoothest ride on the black and white track, I still want to write this.

So the examiner is this really nice grandfather, and I guess whatever happened during that half an hour or so was just my fault. He tried to help me. He really did.

What happened, was that the person before me did not turn up, and so the examiner got the attendant to call me in like 20 min before my actual exam... Well given my "what if... what if... what if..." kind of thinking, I was literally thrown into a state of total panic. So I stepped into the room, and maybe he saw the fear in my eyes, but he explained the whole situation to me, and assured me to not be afraid and take my time. That was really nice, but it didn't really help much though... But still, I'm really grateful for that.

So I started with scales and all went well until he gave me C minor 6th apart, and all of a sudden everything was a mess and a could see all the notes flying past me eyes. Well I didn't stop and start over, and I don't know why... I just kept going with all the wrong notes, though I knew I had screwed that one up. Then he paused and said "calm down" Well now I was getting a little frustrated. Not with him, with myself. I was doing so well and then bam! And worse still, he had to rub it into me and imply that I was too nervous. Well I know this is really bad cuz I think he did it with good intentions.

Then I went on to the pieces and gosh even though I've been practising them for what? Almost a year? They seemed to be the longest 9 pages I've ever went through. And along the way, there were a generous number of wrong notes and weird rhythms, and I got even more scared that I'll ruin the whole thing and more mistakes came along. But I'm just happy that amidst all the nonsense, I never stopped. I kept going, but blindly... So that went on for 2 whole pieces, and then before I played the last one, I think he saw me covering my face in desperation, and he told me again, "take your time..." Well I was just so scared all the effort I put into getting here will just go up in flames. And worse still, I was hinted once again, that I didn't do well... But thank God the last piece was good. Or so I feel...

And then we moved on to sight reading, and it went well... I mean I thought that the piece he gave me was rather simple... So thank God. Really. And then the most dreaded aural came along and I don't know why, but all of a sudden, I could hear the left hand part of the extract! :D So that was really good news. And then the naming of cadence and chords was just plain horrible. If he even awards me ANY marks, I would think that he is seriously far too generous. Cuz even I thought I didn't deserve anything for that. I mean I was just saying anything under the sun... Then modulation and music description was as bad, and he even had to prompt me of what to say. WOW.

So as you can see, it's not the best way things could have turned out. And when I told you to wait for this post, you said that you'll take it as I did well. You know, I didn't do well. I just decided to get over it and move on... :)

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